K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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