On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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