He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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