Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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