his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
