Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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