bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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