i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We have started to decorate penises.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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