We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
