Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
