I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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