Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
