you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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