He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
