dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
