I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
