I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
