Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
