$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
