he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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