I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
