It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
