dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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