Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
false alarm. still invincible.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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