Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
