I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
