I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was born a porn star she said
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
