I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
