i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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