Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
