Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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