I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We have started to decorate penises.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize