I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
