Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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