I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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