the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
