we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
