Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize