I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
