If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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