i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
