I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
