Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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