areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
