You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
