i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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