just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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