as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize