theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
