guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize