Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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