There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
