is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
