it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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