benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
