____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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