Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
