She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
