I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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