I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
