yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
