I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize