she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
