Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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