this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
