FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
