shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
