Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
