chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
