somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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