I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
false alarm, still single
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
