I hate all girls vehemently.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
