sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
