I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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