Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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