in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
