I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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