so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
