I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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