Only a mothe r could love this liver
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
