I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
