I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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