captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
