so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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